In My Head, On The Page

I haven't written in a bit, but I have been working on the poem, really spinning and revising more than I usually do with a poem. I think that is partially because it is an occasion poem. I can't write it as it comes to me. I have to grind it out to hit a deadline. That's different from my usual writing method. With work and other things, I usually do a lot of writing and planning in my head before I put pen to paper and then fingers to keyboard.

For this piece though, I am writing and throwing away and revising, all with a sense of not liking the work until it gets several drafts in. Below is what I like enough to post now, but it still feels several drafts away from working. I am thinking of trying this working method for my 6 week break though. Sitting at the desk and grinding something out, whether I have anything formed or not. I'll let you know.

The poem as she exists now. The pyongyang section stopped there, but there will be more.

Those That Don’t

I. Rich Square, North Carolina Juche 47 (1958)

Boy, I best not catch you up at that school today.
There’s tobacco to be topped and the south field needs wormed.
Announcements were Daddy’s version of Good Morning.

In the field, when he caught me
staring at beyond, You Are My Life
was Son, there’s those that do
and those that don’t.
Which you gonna be?

I was carrying hornworms to the turkeys
when I found him laying half in,
half out of the barn, and I knew
I was done being in the eighth grade.

Then, I believed Rich Square
to be the loneliest place in the world,
so I figured to join the Army
and find me something to do
and some folks to do it with.
All I could see from North Carolina
was alone and alone and alone.

II. DMZ, South Korea Juche 54 (1965)

The worst thing I could imagine
was getting one of those boys killed
on night patrol. One step too far-
it’s landmines. Let your mind wander
for a moment and it’s the enemies’ knife
at your throat.

Then, I heard it. We was the next group to Vietnam.
Son the CO said If you won’t stand
in front of the communists and keep them
from your girl back home, who will?

But I had no girl or anyone else waiting for me.
My last night in the US Army, it was Hughes
in my tent with a can of beer and a picture.
Sarge, I know she’s stepping out.
What do you think I should do?
But the Army don’t allow you to say
Hellfire if I know. I ain’t kissed a girl
and I’m afraid I’m gonna die before I do.

So I told him to write her a real sweet letter
and then I wrote a note of my own.
I’m sorry for what I done it said.
Send my boys back home, especially Hughes.
We’ve all got troubles. Goodbye.
And I set to walking.


III. Pyongyang, North Korea Juche 69 (1980)

Just so you know, the line you step over
to get to the other side
ain’t no real line. If it was,
I might have stopped, but I never knew
where I was until I got there.

The poem has a diffrent voice now. Fatherhood and masculinity seems to be a part of it now, which should be very interesting since the dance troop is all female. I'm interested to see how the end will work, if it can tie together some things. Tomorrow night is rehersal and the beginning of choreographing for me.

tanya